I found the idea amusing for at least a few jokes

un-jokes...

A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar... They engage in a theological discussion.

What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee chord? It is impossible for an owl to successfully fornicate with an inanimate object of no reproductive ability, hence no cross-breeding can occur.

A cow is eating in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away... The cow looks around a bit, eats some grass, and then wanders off.

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb? Generally speaking, one.

A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, pays his tab, and has a genuinely enjoyable night out.

A black man goes to the dentist... He gets a check-up, everything is fine, and he goes home.

I Just Discovered This Hilarious Comic Strip Called 'Garfield'

I don't usually spend a lot of time reading the comics pages (you know me: straight to the real-estate section!), but last weekend I found this great new one called Garfield. Man, oh, man, I suggest you remember the name, because it's going to open up a whole new world of entertainment for you. Trust me. You're going to love it.

Okay. First off, he's a cat. But not just any ordinary cat—as if! He's a lazy, fat cat with a whooooooooole lot of attitude. I'm cracking up right now just thinking about him! This cat has an in-your-face approach to dealing with life, that's for sure, and he doesn't care what anybody thinks about it.

I know, I know, at first I had the same reaction you must be having right now: How can an animal display human characteristics? It's just not plausible. But once I got over that initial hurdle, I realized that, odd as it may sound to the uninitiated, there's actually a great deal of comic possibilities in that crazy, seemingly impossible premise.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. You're probably a little confused, taking in so much new information at once. Let me slow down and give you some specific examples, just to convey the general gist of this irrepressible kitty.

Oh, Garfield.

Where to begin, where to begin. There's so much to tell you! Okay. Garfield—who always has this expression of "Yeah, whatever"—lives with his human owner, Jon, whom he just so happens to drive absolutely bonkers with his cynical ways. There's also a dog whom our feline friend does not like at all. (His name's Odie, and he really gets on Garfield's nerves.) All Garfield cares about is eating, and guess what his favorite food is? Lasagna! It's totally fattening, but he eats it anyway, even though he's already fat. He just doesn't care. But that's Garfield for you.

Oh, by the way, don't get him started on weight loss. When it comes to dieting, his attitude is "die" with a "T"! I'd like to see that on a T-shirt. In fact, I bet there's a lot of money to be made with such a venture, if the cartoonist could just be convinced to take a chance on the idea. Anyway, when Garfield's not eating, the only other thing he cares about is—you'll never guess this one—sleeping. You think that's funny? Guess where he sleeps. In pans of lasagna. Can you believe it? Who would ever sleep in a lasagna pan? Well, Garfield, that's who! He loves both so much that he's willing to combine them into one sidesplitting, perfectly irreverent visual combination you have to see to believe.

Garfield's always a bit of a grouch, but there's one day you really don't want to mess with him. Monday. Oh, boy. I've never met anyone who hates Mondays quite as much as this wicked kitty! But, I've got to tell you, as ornery as he is about it, part of me can't blame him. After a nice, relaxing weekend, who in their right mind would look forward to another five days of work (or putting up with Odie's incessant slobbering!) before it's Friday again? Ugh! I thought, "Hold on—this Garfield guy's been reading my mail!" And that's the way it is panel after panel after panel.

He may be one rude dude, but his offbeat quips are a real kick-in-the-pants reality check, Garfield style.

I was so impressed that I asked some of my coworkers about him. Apparently he's been around for a while and he's even in a couple of movies! They star someone named Bill Murray, whoever that is. From what I understand, Garfield himself is up there on the screen, walking and talking like in the cartoon drawings, but in live action, just like any other actor. I guess they can do just about anything with computers these days.

I could go on and on, but you've really got to check it out yourself. Just look in the newspaper under comics, and you'll find it in there. If you can't find it, I have some clippings I could lend you as long as you get them back to me. I promise, this cartoon cat is like nothing you've ever encountered in your life. Forget propriety, forget politeness—when it comes to saying what's on his mind, this is one wisecracking feline who leaves the rule book at home!

This guy is going to be huge—and no, I don't just mean fat.

Merkley???

THE Most interesting thing I've read on the internet in months. Read Merkley???'s Flickr profile.

Merkley??? also happens to be the guy that took this famous internet image:

8 Strangest Web Communities

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Shakespearean-Level Tragedy

Ultimate Break-Up Letter

This make'a me laugh.

Bizarre musings culled from the blog of a Canadian comic artist:

Radio Show Host: Hello, you're on the air.

Caller: Hi!

Radio Show Host: Okay, are you ready to play "What's That Sound?"

Caller: Yep, ready.

*sound clip of a dull thwack*

Radio Show Host: Okay, you got that?

Caller: Um, yep.

Radio Show Host: ten seconds...

Caller: Is it the sound of a child being hit in the face with a plastic grocery bag filled with dog shit?

Radio Show Host: Close. Can you be more specific?

Caller: Is it my child?

Radio Show Host: Yes.

Sex with Bendis

You heard me.

Okay, this is a list that's been making the rounds online, answering the burning question: "What is sex with your favorite comic like?"

Ed Brubaker comics are like really good sex that, at the end, leaves you feeling cheap and mildly depressed.

Geof Johns comics are like sex that starts off really great but then goes on for much too long and keeps dragging on and dragging on until finally, when it's over, it's almost a relief.

Alan Moore comics are like some kind of crazy tantric sex, orgasms layered upon orgasms, peaks building upon peaks, leaving you exhausted and completely euphoric.

Garth Ennis comics like to talk dirty to you while you're doing it.

Warren Ellis comics want to talk dirty too, but usually end up digressing into some self-righteous blather about how stupid everyone else is and how meaningless sex and life really are.

Sean McKeever comics are like sex that's nice enough, but you might fall asleep while it's going on.

Brian Azzarello comics hurt during and after. And they're never as good as you thought they'd be. And they leave you feeling dirty inside.

Gail Simone comics are like fun, silly sex. With lots of tickling. It's not the best you'll ever have, but it's a nice change of pace after the overly grim Ellis and Azzarello.

Rob Liefeld comics are really, really bad sex with someone who looked totally hot when you first met them in a bar, earlier that night, after a ridiculous amount of drinking.

Grant Morrison comics are sometimes super-excellent sex and sometimes not-so-good sex, but always with crazy props and sex toys that you never even knew existed.

Brian Michael Bendis comics are like this:

"Wow."

"Yeah? You... yeah?"

"Oy. Yeah."

"Cause I wasn't sure if you...?"

"No. I mean, yes. I did. Twice."

"No way. You... twice?"

"Twice. And a half."

"Wow. That's... that's really..."

"Yeah."

"Do you... do you mind if I smoke a cigarette? I mean, because, I..."

"Uh, actually, I..."

"Oh, god. I'm so stupid. I've ruined it, haven't I? I've ruined it with my... with this stupid habit."

"No, you..."

"So stupid. Who smokes these days, with the cancer and the... god. I'm really sorry."

"No, wait, you..."

"I...?"

"But, if you..."

"What? If I...?"

"I just wondered if you had a..."

"Look. Let's just... let's just pretend this never..."

"But, I... if you had another cigarette...?"

"Let's just pretend this... it didn't happen. Okay? This never happened."

"But, all I wanted to say was..."

"I'm so sorry. I'm... I'm gonna just leave now, okay? And let's just pretend..."

"It didn't?"

"It never did."

"Oh. Shit. I feel like... now I feel like Hawkeye just died. Twice."

Ripped from todays headlines...

Some random news tidbits:

"If terrorists ever unleashed a biological weapon, unusual molecules normally found in the blood of llamas could quickly help warn of the attack, scientists now report. "

"About a fifth of teen IM users have used IM to ask for or accept a date. Almost that many, 16 percent, have used it to break up with someone."

"A man shopping at a Wal-Mart Supercenter found a surprise package in the toy section, a small plastic bag containing cocaine. "

at a different Wal-mart:

"A man tried to pass a counterfeit check at a Wal-Mart...Dozens of officers were at the store helping needy children as part of "Shop with a Cop" charity event...the parking lot next to 40 marked squad cars...a poorly photocopied check for $847.83...manager alerted one of the 80 officers in the store."

I also want to know:

"The court asked authorities to explain what measures were being formulated to find a permanent solution to the monkey menace in the capital."

"What right-wingers see when they read the New York Times."