There are lots of Smurfs! Where do they come from? Why's there just one girl? Is she a total blue whore? What is in this shit?
WHAAAAT'S IN THIS SHIIIIITTTT?!?!?!
These are a few of the questions I asked myself when I set out on my Anthropo-chemico-logical expedition so long ago, in those hazy blue daze of yore. Much of the journey is now lost to the sands of time, and mists of clouded recollections, but based on my few remembered observations and copious, if often incoherent, field notes, I have been able to determine the following:
Smurfs are essentially hermaphroditic; that is ALL Smurfs have both boy parts AND girl parts...sort of. At least, they all look the same with their knickers off anyway. The majority of them identify male, except for Smurfette, who likes to play at being a girl. In reality, they are all exactly the same...down there, and in fact it is possible, though unproven, that the make turns turns assuming the various roles with which we are familiar.
EQUALS 
You will have noticed their stubby blue tails, which they make no pains to conceal. These are the equivalent of their male Smurfexual organs, potruding behind them in a constant, austentatious mating display. When aroused, these Smurfalluses pulse and quiver, and become turgid, though without increase in size. There is no need for the embiggenning, as it turns out.
Look! Look at his naughty Smenis!
What you have not seen, nor have more than a handful of intrepid indviduals, hidden by there little white pants, or in Smurfettes's case, a dainty Smurfrock, is that they all have in their front place, a corresponding indentation, a concave to their tail's convex. A Smurfhole, if you will. This Smurfagina is precisely the same dimension as the Smurfallus, but inverted, so that each one can comfortably fit into the other, like stacking cups, or some kind of horny, blue Lego(tm).
I don't have any pictures of a Smurfagina, or more rudely, Smunt, but if I did (I don't!) I would not post them. You'll just have to use your imagination and Smurf it out for yourselves.
So how does it work? How do they Smurf it?
Smurfs engaged in all variety of Smurfy activies. From the sweet and innocent:
to the totally Smurferted:
However none of these produce any new Smurfs. Even if two Smurfs Smurf each other very much, and Smurf their Smurfies together all night long, they still won't make no Smurfs!!!
It don't Smurfin' Smurf like that!
Stay tuned for Part 2: The Ritual, in which I will endeavor to explain exactly how it Smurfing Smurfs.
