Chip Zdarsky Gives Advice

Mostly bad advice. Also, very funny advice.

Example?

Dear Steve, I have a co-worker who is constantly attaching his religious agenda to every conversation or debate. I can ask him about the game and how LeBron played amazing, and he will go into a 20-minute rage, quoting verses and telling me how it was not possible without the Lord. He is a nice guy and I don't want to hurt his feelings. How do I break it to him that I am sick of it, without sounding like an atheist or an a-hole?
-- Religiously Challenged

Nothing chafes me quite like folks crediting The Almighty with sports wins and other trivial nonsense (sorry, Sports section). But, as I'm sure you know, it's nearly impossible to dissuade zealots of their preaching. Now I happen to be a big fan of the mantra "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" (it's actually how I ended up becoming a lesbian for a summer back in the '90s) and I think that this is the perfect time for such an idea (not the lesbian one).

Whenever you're around your co-worker make sure to pronounce God's divine will whenever anything happens to him. From spilled coffee to well-printed spreadsheets to donut-prized rolled-up rims. Every. Single. Thing.

Top this off with late-night phone calls to his home with lists of God-inspired observations. Make sure they are all still quite trivial. Eventually he'll either get the message that hockey games do not fall under the "praise God" banner, or he'll be terrified to bring anything up with you for fear of constant (seemingly well-meaning) hounding. You win!